Talking to Teens About Sex and Pregnancy

Getting up the courage to have that first "birds and bees" talk with your child was hard enough. Now your innocent grade-schooler has grown into a world-wise adolescent. So, it's time for a heart-to-heart about relationships, sex, preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

Does talking about sex make both of you cringe a little? Experts say that talking to your teen about sex is one of the most important ways to help prevent an unplanned pregnancy. And being open about the subject is the best way to give teens the confidence they need to make smart decisions for themselves.

Ten ways to make your words work
You want your teen to take you seriously. The teen birth rate rose in 2006 for the first time in 14 years, so it's important to get your point across. Here's how to do so in a supportive, empowering way.

1. Acknowledge that lust and desire are normal. Your teen shouldn't be ashamed of these feelings. Remind him that a physical relationship can be satisfying without having sexual intercourse. Talking about your own experiences as a teen will help your child relate to what you're saying. If you made choices you regret, be honest about them and explain what you wish you could have changed.
2. Don't make assumptions. Some parents think that because their children have had a sex education class at school, they know all there is to know about sex already. The truth is that your teen might have been led astray with unreliable information from other sources. To avoid sounding patronizing, you can start by saying, "You probably know this already, but I just want to make sure I get it out there."
3. Keep the mood light. It's okay to inject some humor to put you both at ease. You might even want to admit that you feel a little uneasy having the discussion, but are doing so because it's such an important thing to talk about.
4. Know the facts about contraception and sexually transmitted diseases. It's a good idea to read up on the latest methods of birth control so you can talk about them expertly with your child. He or she may want to know the risks and benefits of each. Also make sure you're able to answer questions about how STDs are transmitted and can be prevented.
5. Share your own opinions and values. Your teen will appreciate knowing exactly how you stand on big issues, even if he or she disagrees.
6. Avoid being critical or judgmental. This is especially important if your child admits to engaging in a risky behavior. Lectures and threats are not likely to do much good. Instead, discuss how he or she might act to make a better choice next time.
7. Address the emotional aspects of sex. Emphasize that a good relationship includes closeness, caring and respect before sex enters the picture. Caution your teen that having sex will not suddenly make a relationship better, or fix a broken one.
8. Talk about responsibility. Many teens who don't use birth control say they "got swept up" in the moment. Remind your child that if he is mature enough to have sex, he should be mature enough to protect himself and his partner, too.
9. Encourage your teen to ask questions. You want to make sure your child has all the information he or she needs. Recommend helpful books or other resources for more information if your teen doesn't seem comfortable asking you.
10. Discuss the consequences. Making bad decisions now will have a huge ripple effect on the rest of your teen's life. Share concrete examples of how disease or pregnancy could totally derail his or her goals and dreams. End on a high note by talking about where your teen wants to be in five or 10 years and what steps he or she will be taking to get there.