When a Family Member Has Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

James was preoccupied with germs and illness. He was afraid that anything he touched would contaminate him with a horrible sickness that he might pass along to his wife, Beth, and infant son. He started washing his hands so much, they cracked and bled. He also spent hours scouring the house and wouldn't let the baby play with toys that couldn't be disinfected easily. When Beth tried to tell him he wasn't being rational about germs, he got defensive.

James had obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Beth wasn't sure how she could help him ... or keep his behavior from taking over her life and her son's.

OCD in the family
Obsessive-compulsive disorder doesn't just affect the person with the condition. Symptoms of the disorder, such as rituals and pervasive thought patterns, can disrupt family life and cause tension.

In some cases, other members of the household get drawn into the illness. They may take part in or aid behaviors like compulsive checking and cleaning just to avoid arguments. Or they may take care of tasks that the person with OCD wants to avoid, such as handling uncooked meat or touching a shopping cart at the supermarket. By doing so, they may actually make the situation worse. This is called enabling.

Getting a diagnosis from a doctor can help start the healing process. People with OCD may be relieved to find out that they have a real, treatable condition and aren't just "crazy." This may help family members to be more understanding, too. Relatives also need to be aware that OCD can be an inherited condition.

How you can help
Every member of the family can be a valuable source of strength and comfort. With your help, the person with OCD is more likely to have success with treatment and be able to live a more normal life. Here are some things to keep in mind:

• Do your research. Understanding what OCD is and its effects will make you better able to offer support. Let your loved one know that others suffer from this condition and he or she is not alone in this struggle.
• Accept that rituals and obsessions can't just be stopped. OCD is a complicated mental illness. It is not easy to let go of disruptive thoughts and behaviors. They can't just be "turned off" like a switch.
• Resist the urge to criticize. Negative comments will only cause the person with OCD to feel shame and guilt.
• Be positive and patient. Offer praise when your family member makes improvements, but know that there may be setbacks along the way. Keep both short- and long-term goals in mind.
• Don't help with rituals. You and other family members may want to talk to a therapist for advice on how to remove yourself from these behaviors. It's important to be consistent and firm in refusing to take part. Otherwise, the life of the enabler can be disrupted more than that of the person with OCD.
• Communicate well. Be open and honest with your loved one about your expectations and encourage him or her to do the same. Offer to be a sounding board for concerns, fears and worries.
• Take care of yourself. It can be exhausting to live with someone who has OCD, especially when you are trying to help in his or her recovery. Make sure to find time for your own interests and needs, too.