When you need to step in to raise your grandchildren, it's often because the children's parents have abused drugs or alcohol. Whether a parent is in treatment, in jail or on the street, every member of the family is affected. As a grandparent, you now have to be concerned not only about your own child's safety, but also about the impact their addiction has on your grandchildren.
How to talk with children of substance abusers
Your grandchildren may feel abandoned, unloved and angry. They may blame themselves for their parent's problems. Reassure them that you love them and will care for them as long as their own parent cannot. Teach them the "Three C's" of substance abuse:
- They did not cause their parent's addiction.
- They cannot control their parent's addiction.
- They cannot cure their parent's addiction.
Don't forget that the three C's apply to you, too. The addiction is not your fault. By taking care of your grandchildren, you are helping in the best way possible.
Explain that drugs and alcohol can cause parents to do things they wouldn't normally do, including not taking care of their children. Let them know that their parent isn't a bad person, but has a disease that causes him or her to behave in ways that hurt even people they love. Reassure them that it's still all right to love their parent. Be sure they know that many other children have parents with substance abuse problems, too.
If your grandchildren's parent is in recovery and has a relapse, explain that it doesn't mean their parent has failed or will never be well again. Do let them know that their parent may have to make a number of tries to control his or her addiction. In the meantime, talk about how they cope with their parent's behavior. Do they draw pictures? Do they find caring adults to talk to? Help them identify their own best ways of coping.
By the time your grandchildren turn 10 or 11, let them know that because their parent is a substance abuser, it increases their risks of abusing drugs or alcohol themselves. Explain that they may react differently to drugs and alcohol than their friends. If they are tweens or teens, help them decide what they want to say if they are offered alcohol or drugs.
Talking to kids about substance abuse
First, do your own homework. Learn what drugs are popular now and how they affect users. "Party" drugs like ecstasy and crystal meth pose more serious risks than marijuana.
Choose a relaxed moment to talk. Look for "teachable moments," like a film or TV show in which someone sells drugs. Be willing to talk about substance abuse whenever your grandchild brings it up.
Finally, start early - even by the age of three. The preschool years are when good habits are formed. Lay a foundation now to make it easier for children to say no to drugs and alcohol when they are older. Teach your young grandchildren to keep their bodies clean and healthy, to eat well, to sleep when they are tired and to take medicine only when they are sick.
