There are few acts of kindness greater than adopting a child. But the process for becoming an adoptive father is not easy. In fact, it may take even more preparation and patience than for birth fathers awaiting the arrival of a newborn.
The desire to share life as a family is not limited to couples. Single-parent adoptions are on the rise. And singles make up about one in four of all adoptions of children with special needs. Adoption agencies have also found that single fathers can be best for boys who need strong role models and guidance.
Adopting a child can produce anxiety, though. Before accepting a child into your family, make sure you can handle the risks that come with the territory.
Adoption is forever
While one in three Americans considers adopting a child, only about 2 percent actually do. You may need to ask yourself some tough questions to decide if adoption is the right step for you:
- Do you have the ability and means to parent a child?
- Can you commit to children who may have unique problems related to adoption?
- Would you see yourself as a "real father" - not a substitute?
- Will you be able to put aside feelings about a child's birth parents?
- Are you willing or interested in adopting a child from another culture or race?
- Are you willing to adopt a child with special needs?
- What aspects of your marriage or career might change or need to remain the same?
Also consider your finances. Domestic adoption costs can start at $5,000 and go far higher. Foreign adoptions may cost $40,000 or more. Adopting a child from the foster care system may cost nothing at all. Public assistance and tax credits are available for foster care and some employers offer stipends to offset expenses.
Acting on your decision
You may be asked to go through an orientation at an adoption agency. These sessions introduce you to the kinds of children who need care and the challenges you could face.
Pre-service training is next. You'll establish a working relationship with an agency that will help you learn parenting skills. You'll get to talk to other future parents, staff and veteran adoptive parents, too. This support can be helpful because adoptions can take over a year to complete.
During this process, gather as much background as you can about any child you think you want to adopt. Find out the child's medical, genetic, social and emotional history, if possible. This will help you make an informed decision.
Making the transition to fatherhood
Once you arrange the adoption, start preparing.
- Choose a doctor. Try to find one with experience in treating adoptive children.
- Set up any resources you may need. This might include a therapist, mature babysitter or a language teacher or tutor.
- Look into organizations and support groups for adoptive parents.
- If you are adopting a baby, attend classes to learn more about caring for an infant.
- Prepare the child's room.
- Prepare your other children properly for the new arrival.
- Learn more about your child's culture if he or she is from another country or of a different race than you.
- Check whether you can take unpaid leave under the Federal Family and Medical Leave Act. Or see if your employer might allow a more flexible schedule for a few weeks after your child arrives.
From now on, you'll need to be dedicated, dependable, patient and flexible. As an adoptive father, you're now ready to make the world a little bit better.
